well after all this time i have finally decided to take the jump and move to america for a few months…..
Recently I have been struggling with my purpose here in the UK. I have my own house, a good job, and a handful of very good friends, but I feel that apart from my friends there is no purpose to my life. I have my own house which is a place I sleep but I have no connection to, I have a job that keeps me busy but not enthusiastic, I just feel like I have all these things just to say that I actually have them, but they mean nothing to me.
So I have finally taken the plunge and decided to go travelling america more 3 months. its something I have always wanted to do, and something I need to do.
I have recently got myself into a bad situation of playing on the gamblers in the pubs and drinking to much, all because I’m bored. I need something to get me out of this rut, and the only thing I can think of is a new life, something away from what I know, something completely new, and I am hoping that spending some time in the USA will give me the chance to start a new life, and re invent myself, be who I really want to be, and not having to pretend to fit in with the society of where I am now.
either way I will keep you updated
Sorry it’s been so long but just haven’t been in the right frame of mind to type. It’s not the case that I’ve been in a bad place or anything all though I still have my bad days, but it’s more of a case that everything has been going well. Work is going great, I have some really good friends who are all ways there for me, and life in general is looking up.
I just have so much more to get up and do that I no longer have as much time to sit down and type, but I really do miss blogging. Blogging has been one of the main things that got me through the hard times, along with a couple of very good friends who I love tremendously. But I thought it’s about time I start typing again, it’s one of the only times I feel I can really speak my mind and not be judged or criticized. It’s like being able to stand up and do ‘my life’ sort of play in front of a huge ordinance but not worry about all the hassle you’ll get at home or work, it’s just like minded people reading your life, no judgment, no hatered, yeah you may every so often get a couple of bad comments but those people…… hell, who cares.
So to all who are worried about putting their lives online, don’t worry, there are thousands of people who want to read your thoughts, don’t be scared just do it. And hay, you may get some bad comments, but screw them, they’re the idiots, ignore them and love your life.
Till next time.
It’s been a long time now since I did my last post.
I’ve now been on my anti depresents since October last year, and everything has been going well. Up untill today, I’m not feeling bad, but I’m just in a state of oh well. I still have a good job, good money, but just no real life apart from two very close friends.
I need something to kick start my life again, but am yet to find what that is yet.
Any way will be back in a couple of days for a proper update.
This is one I started a while ago, but thought it was a good chance to finish post it
Love would always be around the corner, your hair would always be perfect, and you would always have that perfect line or stare. You could dodge a bullet, or drive a car off a cliff and still get out without a bruise. you could get attacked and avenge your culprit, and the world would love you.
But unfortunately life is not like a movie or a comic book, we fall and get hurt, we love and get heartbroken, someone you love gets hurt, and there is no one to help them.
This is where real hero’s are missing, not the ones who fly around in cape’s, or shoot fire from there eyes, but the ones who see someone in distress and actually stand up to the situation and say, this in’t right, those are the real hero’s.
They don’t just look at the world and think yeah I can put up with that, They turn around and say, NO THIS IS NOT RIGHT, why can’t there be more people like that.
I think there are to many people worrying about what other people think about them. And wanting that hero to save them.
I think they’re more worried about the people that are going to save them than the people already doing the saving.
I always wanted to be that hero, and on many occasions I have tried, but unfortunately I haven’t got any appreciation, but I guess that is the work of a hero, never looking at ones own life, but taking the world off everyone else’s shoulders and putting it on mine.
That’s how my mind feels right now, I have all sorts of things going through my mind none stop 24/7, I mean my mind never turns off, constantly going from scenario to scenario. all of my problems, my friends problems, and the whole world’s problems, none stop, which I think is my cause of depression and insomnia.
So I have finnaly booked a appointment with my quack, and hopefully they can sort me out, and I can become the super hero I was meant to be. Still with the awesome powers, and the ability to save the world, but without the Professor X style of hearing everyone at the same time.
Well it’s been a frantic week at work, so much has been going on. There have been loads of work going on at work at the moment, both incoming at outgoing, which has been extremely hard week, for everybody.
As per usual, I haven’t been sleeping, and just like normal, I just keep plodding on. But the sleep has been even worse than usual recently, I don’t know why but it has, and it must be showing. I had already booked next Wednesday off work as a lieu day, but my manager came up to me the other day and said take the Thursday off because I look run down. He asked me if everything wes OK, and I said Yeah everything was fine, whilst I was trying to hold back the tears and wanted to say, no, I can’t cope with life at the moment,
I don’t realy know the perpose of this blog at the moment, but just needed to type and vent some thoughts.
Thanks for reading, if you did, and let me know if any of you feel the same way, maybe we can help each other out.
Art by angelswar
First off, I went on holiday down to Newquay, in my VW bus, which was great. It took me a good few hours to get there (7 hours in total) but I got there. But on the second day my clutch cable went, so I had to call out the AA, who managed to bodge it on the spot, which was great. The next few days were fantastic, hot sun, cool breeze, and good friends.
But when I got to the end of the week, packed up and ready to go home, you guessed it, the camper broke down again. I got the AA out again, and they said it was the ignition coil, so I paid for a replacement, but still, it ran rough, so next the dizzzy, once again paid for the parts, and once again, still no luck. Eventually, the AA towed me back to the site I was staying on, and the next day my dad (after trying everything I could to sort it myself) came down, all 225 miles, to help me try and repair it.
After many hours of both me and dad stuck under the bonnet, and replacing all the ignition system, the camper would still not run true. So once again, we called the AA, but this time they said it was the fuel pump that had gone. We weighed up costs of loosing several days of work and getting it into a local garage, against having it towed all the way back home. eventually we decided to have it towed home.
Now back at home, and looking at it our self s, we realize the AA is useless, the coil is fine, the fuel pump is fine, it is just a case that the old style point are, well, buggered.
anyway, I’ll have another post for you all in a couple of days on how music effects us, and how it makes us feel.
I would like to add to this post that, without my Mum and Dad I could not of done any of this with the camper, they have both been there to support me and the fact that they travelled 225 miles to come down south and help me fix it, well, there are no words to express how much I respect them and appreciate them. I love them both, more than life itself.
OK, Just a quick daily post challenge
Do you love to dance, sing, write, sculpt, paint, or debate? What’s your favorite way to express yourself, creatively?
Well, I don’t like to dance, I love to sing, but unfortunately when people listen to me they seem to spontaneously combust. For me my favorite way to express myself is my Blog. I am able to say things that I would not normally say to people face to face, despite the fact that I would like to.
For me Blogging is a way of sitting back and jotting a few things down, then looking and looking at them time and time again, until, snap, there it is, a sudden influx of thoughts and ideas just waiting to be jotted down and cast out into the world.
Anyway, sorry it’s only quick one, but I’ve been working on a couple of good sized Blogs that I want to get finished, and hopefully you will enjoy reading them once I have finished
Until next time
Art by keashie