This is one I started a while ago, but thought it was a good chance to finish post it
Love would always be around the corner, your hair would always be perfect, and you would always have that perfect line or stare. You could dodge a bullet, or drive a car off a cliff and still get out without a bruise. you could get attacked and avenge your culprit, and the world would love you.
But unfortunately life is not like a movie or a comic book, we fall and get hurt, we love and get heartbroken, someone you love gets hurt, and there is no one to help them.
This is where real hero’s are missing, not the ones who fly around in cape’s, or shoot fire from there eyes, but the ones who see someone in distress and actually stand up to the situation and say, this in’t right, those are the real hero’s.
They don’t just look at the world and think yeah I can put up with that, They turn around and say, NO THIS IS NOT RIGHT, why can’t there be more people like that.
I think there are to many people worrying about what other people think about them. And wanting that hero to save them.
I think they’re more worried about the people that are going to save them than the people already doing the saving.
I always wanted to be that hero, and on many occasions I have tried, but unfortunately I haven’t got any appreciation, but I guess that is the work of a hero, never looking at ones own life, but taking the world off everyone else’s shoulders and putting it on mine.
That’s how my mind feels right now, I have all sorts of things going through my mind none stop 24/7, I mean my mind never turns off, constantly going from scenario to scenario. all of my problems, my friends problems, and the whole world’s problems, none stop, which I think is my cause of depression and insomnia.
So I have finnaly booked a appointment with my quack, and hopefully they can sort me out, and I can become the super hero I was meant to be. Still with the awesome powers, and the ability to save the world, but without the Professor X style of hearing everyone at the same time.
It’s been a while since I did my last post.
In all fairness, I haven’t been in the best of places.
As some of you who follow my blog may know, I am not always the happiest of people, and recently I have felt very down. I feel that I don’t seem to be living a life, more a case of I seem to be just going through the motions. I do the same job day in, day out. I have no real friends that I can reallly say that if I rang them up they would come to my aid. It reminds me of one of my favorite songs that I have mentioned in past post by NIN (nine inch nail) every day is exactly the same. This is how i’m feeling at the moment, and it drives me insane, something needs to change, and maybe something I found may just fix that.
I have applied to allot of agencies in the USA to try and get some sort of work out there, but usually the price they charge for the H2B VISA application is outrages, but the other day I was contacted by a group who supplied the VISA that’s very good price and supplied the sort of work I was looking for, so I applied.
The rest of the story is still untold at the moment, but hopefully I will be seeing allot of you in the great land of opportunity very soon.
Mikle Out. X
Well another interesting night down the pub. Started off dull, but the music (as cheesy as it was) started flowing, and I have now just added my name to the pub as one of the builders by helping install a new make shift umbrella to shelter us from the sun/rain, being the unpredictable country this is.
On another note, I have finally worked out a saving Skeem to get over to the USA next year for VidCon. The only downfall is that it means only 1 night a week drinking. Its gonna be hard but well worth it.
On an even better note, I have just heard for the last hour, the music is gonna be… Wait for it…. Pop punk, hell yeah, some blink, abit of sum 41, roll on the good old days.
Anyway untill next time……
P.S sorry no pictures this time but the windows phone version of WordPress is not the easiest to negotiate.
So its been a good weekend, (for a change), Met some new people, and for once, actually enjoyed it. I went down my old local for a few drinks, and it started out as a slow night. This was until midnight, when a party, down the road had finished, and the few people left standing decided to come down the pub. There was a variety of people, some, normal, (well as normal as the people I know),some Scottish, (well some one has to be), then there was a few people from London, Theatre going people, and one very interesting Mexican, who enjoyed lying on the Pool table, which was very distasteful =P. But there was one girl, who as drunk as she was, made some very good points. She started the conversation as anyone would, where are you from, what do you do. Then she took me by surprise and said are you happy, and if not why, and what do you want to do. I didn’t really now how to respond, “I know I don’t like my life, and I know I want to be in America”. It was strange, I had never answered that quick before to a question, I don’t know weather it was because I had a few drinks, or they just caught me off guard, but it got me thinking, why have I settled down so easily, I’m still young (ISH), and I still have allot to give, why should I not pursue my dreams. I know the main reason is financial security, but what is the point in that if all you’re doing is securing a future of boredom and misery.
Anyway, that’s enough for now.
Till next time…….
Art By TakeTheMomen
Sorry it’s been a while, but I’ve been in a bit of a funk.
I don’t know how to explain it really, work is going well, money is good, but I’m just not happy right now. I just don’t know what to do. There seems to be nothing to get me excited about life at the moment, I wake up, wash, go to work, then go home, day in, day out. then on the weekend, like tonight I decide to go down the pub. But I sat there for a while, had two quick drinks, and thought what’s the point. I was there just because that’s what I do on a Friday night, and I was bored out of my mind. There seems to be nothing at the moment that really gets me going, no challenges, no different experiences, just every week, same as the last one, and it’s really starting to annoy me now. but what to do.
I’ve already missed out on the two things that I wanted to do this year, one being VIDCON, and two being SITC, which I intend to do next year, but I want to travel the USA as well. I missed out on the gap year fun all my friends had because I never went to Uni, I went straight from school, to full time college, then straight to work. but now I’m even more stuck because I bought a house, before I was really ready, and now I’m stuck with bill, after bill, with no chance of doing what I really want to do, and I think that is what gets me down more than anything, the fact that I have all these dreams, and no way to fund them because of the commitment I already have.
Anyway, enough of the rambles tonight. I’ll be back doing my weekly post from now on.
LOL (lots of love, not Laugh out load)
Well, once again, I can’t get to sleep, it’s half three in the morning, and I have been trying to get to sleep for the last 3 hours. Every time I try and sleep, my mind just seems to be in overdrive, so amny thoughts going through my head. and every time I nearly doze off, my body just sends a funny jolt from head to toe telling me to wake up, so I have finally decided to get out of bed and put on the TV.
It’s amazing what rubbish is on at this time of the morning. About 50% of the channels are playing live casinos, what does that say for the British viewer, there must be far more gamblers around me than I thought. I sat there for a bit and watched one of the shows, they don’t even try to make it interesting. It was just an image of a roulette wheel going round with an occasional voice over muttering a few words, then back to the spinning wheel. After the joy of watching that I started flicking through a few more channels, and all I found were poorly made movies and old quiz shows.
So, now I have turned over to the Karrang music channel, to watch the massive rock anthems show, which is allot better viewing, but still not captivating enough for me, which is why I decided to start typing away, just something to do, until tiredness takes over, which still doesn’t seem like it is coming any time soon.
On a slightly better note, only one day left of work this week. I get another Saturday off, which is great, that makes two in a row, but on the other hand, after this week, I have three Saturday’s on the trot, so a few weeks of six days, but it’s a bit of overtime pay for me, which I’m going to need because I’m of on holiday again in the middle of June, and I really need to start saving up for America, in October, if I manage to save the money, and find a decent valued place to stay.
Anyway, that’s enough rambling from me, I think I may cook my dinner for tomorrow night at work so I don’t have to do it in the morning in the zombie like state I’ll be in by then if I don’t get to sleep soon.
Art by a-hour
This is more of a personal thing. The sort of thing that I usually I wouldn’t share on my usual social network sites, but it needs to be said.
Personally I suffer from depression. I have never been diagnosed, simply because I have never had the courage to go to the doctors and say. But I have always suffered from it. Sometime’s, well allot of time, I can’t sleep, because I’m awake most the night in tears, simply because I don’t know what to do. Not because I’m poor, or had a bad upbringing, in fact I have a very good upbringing, but simply because I do not know what to do with my life. But I never admitted it because I was, and am, afraid what people will think. Well that’s a lie, I know what I want to do, I want to move to America, work for a brewery, and be in charge of distribution, this is what I know, this is what I want, but these are just dreams.
I have a very, none unique method of dealing with depression, and that is plenty of drink and allot of Vulcan emotion suppression.
But this all eventually builds up, and you need some sort of out let, which for me is my Blog. This Blog is an absolute outlet for all my emotions which is why, some post will be happy, others will be sad, and other will be just down right strange.
Either way, everybody needs some sort of outlet for their day to day routine. Thankfully Blogging does the job for now, for me. But eventually, I, we, will all need help of some sort and you should never be afraid of asking for it.
Luckily, I have recently found somebody I can talk to, as myself, and that is a fantastic feeling, and I hope this carries on and I can be happy with being myself.
But for now, life goes on, happy or sad, it’s my life and I need to deal with it, although it’s not the life I want.
That’s it for now.
Art by jxdx